


Icarus was not mysophobic

by pandamito



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Angst, M/M, OmiHina Week 2020, Writing on Skin, Writing on the Body, brief Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, mentioned Hinata Shouyo/Pedro, sex but not graphical description, where what you write appears on your soulmate's body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26950156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandamito/pseuds/pandamito
Summary: A society based on the perfect concept of soulmates, where your bond appears since childhood and what you write on your body appears on your soulmate's body. But what happens when you don't want to see your body marked? What happens when everything seems to prove that you and your soulmate are incompatible?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 155





	Icarus was not mysophobic

**Author's Note:**

> I spent months writing this and all this angst wasn't planned. The original idea was a funny drabble about grocery.... I don't know what happened.  
> I made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1IthjUW3OOk8t3xEIAHUN2?si=0iL66uAvQwmChnqcXesH_A) for this fic, please listen to it while reading.

Kiyoomi could not say that his phobia was entirely his soulmate’s fault, but sure they contributed to aggravate it.

It all started when he was still a child, around the age everyone starts to discover their soulmate and how what they write on their body will appear on the other’s and vice-versa. That is the magic of their society. Letting everybody – well, almost – communicating with their future significant other since a young age, so they have more time to know each other and be happy. Oh, what a wonderful thing to be sure that one day you will be with a person perfectly made for you, right? Well, Kiyoomi hated it. But not at first, at least.

When you are young, you don’t really think about your soulmate, but it was a nice thought to have someone special someday, or so Kiyoomi thought. But like every other child, his first thought was to play outside. And so, he was doing: he was just playing.

Then it happened.

Suddenly he was covered in something that looked like dirt from top to toe and he was not able to rub it off. That was the time he had his first panic attack.

Apparently, it was also the first time his soulmate bound manifested.

His parents were rarely around and his sister pretty much ignored him all the time, but fortunately that day his mother was at home and when she realized what was happening, she tried to reassure him that probably his soulmate was playing in the mud, being around his age. She was not an affectionate person, but she laughed trying to show Kiyoomi that there was nothing wrong to be afraid of. It did not help, it only made Kiyoomi sick.

Since apparently his soulmate didn’t intend to wash themselves soon to remove the marks from Kiyoomi’s body, his mom showed him how to use the special soap soulmarks-remover, but when she asked if he wanted to contact his soulmate and write to them, Kiyoomi firmly refused, still pretty shocked and angry with whoever they were.

Later that day, his soulmate wrote on his arm on purpose, probably realizing their bond appeared. A simply _“Hi!”_ Kiyoomi soon wash it off and never answered to.

The day after his soulmate wrote the same thing. Kiyoomi washed it too. And the day after that and after that and after that. Kiyoomi washed them all. It was a childish move, but what can you expect from a child? Years later Kiyoomi would have thought about that and how manifesting the bond so young is not the fairytale everyone wants to believe, that kind of stability that make a person think that they never have to worry about love it will only make it worse in the future if it doesn’t go as planned.

Then one day his soulmate started to write things like _“Are you there?”_ , sometimes they were just drawing of sad emojis. One day they wrote _“Are you alive?”_ and the panic started to rise in Kiyoomi again.

He didn’t want his soulmate to think he was dead, he didn’t think about that being also a possibility, he wasn’t so cruel let them think it, but at the same time he really didn’t want to ever meet his soulmate. Apparently, they got dirt a lot and Kiyoomi could not stand it, so he started to go around always bringing a pack of soulmarks remover wipes with him.

But what if his soulmate one day decided to write their name to him? He did not want to live knowing it and be constantly afraid of meeting new people, afraid to accidently meet them.

That was the first time he wrote to his soulmate.

_“Don’t write me ever again. I don’t wanna know you and I don’t wanna meet you. I don’t want a soulmate.”_

And he promised himself it would have been the last.

He told himself that he was strong, and he did not need someone like that in his life, but he found himself crying and he didn’t even know why. He had been pretty cruel to his soulmate, he knew that, but it was better that way, or at least he convinced himself of that.

His soulmate did not reply. Kiyoomi sighed, feeling lighter.

Unfortunately, it lasted less than a day. His soulmate asked _“Why?”_ and then he tried and tried and tried, every day they were writing something, even if it was small, like a good morning or drawing stupid things.

Kiyoomi hated it and never replied. But at least his soulmate respected something: they never told him their name or asked his, and Kiyoomi was grateful for that.

Kiyoomi thought that there would have been a time in his future where his soulmate would grow up and stop getting dirty with everything.

He was wrong.

It did not matter that now he was a teenager, he still had to bring the soulmarks remover everywhere with him because apparently his former soulmate got easily dirty with everything.

Now they rarely wrote to him, but it was not good mornings or drawings anymore. They had this new habit to write random facts about themselves on their body, just to let Kiyoomi know useless things, as if they could pick his interest. The first times Kiyoomi read them because he could not figure out what their former soulmate were trying to do. In that way he discovered that they liked meat buns, that they preferred their rice with eggs on top, and that they were pissed for something happening in One Piece and… and Kiyoomi disliked what they were doing. He did not want to know anything about them. So, he started to wash the writings before he was even able to read them, in that way he couldn’t even be tempted to read them if they were already gone.

But it was still annoying, because his soulmate often wrote the solutions for their exams on the palm… and apparently, they used to sweat a lot during exams because the handwriting always got a little bit smudged. Their worst subject was English, he knew it because English solutions were the most written on the palm. Once one of his teachers caught him during an exam and almost suspended him because they thought he was cheating. Then they asked surprised why he had English answers – not even from his year’s program – during a Math test. He had to explain about it, and he hated every second of it.

Thanks to his teacher now he knew that his soulmate was probably a year younger. It was already too much that he knew that they were also Japanese and right-handed.

On top of that, his teacher wanted to contact his soulmate’s school to warn them and Kiyoomi hated the conversation even more because then he had to explain that he didn’t know who his soulmate was and that they didn’t have that kind of relationship where they just knew things about each other so no, he wasn’t covering for them, he just didn’t want to _know things_ about his soulmate, even less _know them_. At that point, his teacher finally dropped the matter, not before suggesting if he was interested in seeing a psychologist. He knew it was not “normal” to not want a soulmate and that probably most of his problems could have been resolved if he just learnt how to deal properly with his phobia, but… but… He tried. Doing it wasn’t so simple as saying to do it.

He hated his soulmate because it was their fault if he ended in that kind of conversation. And still blamed them for that incident when their bond manifested.

But he hated himself even more because one day he started wondering what if… what if he read the useless facts his soulmate was writing on their arm before washing it off? So, he did, just once, devoured by his curiosity. Kiyoomi discovered that they were rewatching Dragon Ball with English subtitles hoping to finally learn the language, and that they still sucked at receives but at least now they had someone good setting for them.

Kiyoomi’s heart skipped a bit because his soulmate was talking to him about volleyball like Kiyoomi was supposed to known they were playing volleyball. He realized the amount of time he spent by ignoring the writings and not reading them. How many times his soulmate talked to him about volleyball in the past? Since when did they start?

He shaked his head. It didn’t matter. A part of him knew that it was almost logical that they were into volleyball since they were, in fact, his soulmate and they were supposed to be perfect for each other, but the other half of him couldn’t resist to mentally scream _“We both like the same thing!”_ so he silenced that half and started to wash the writing again without reading.

Maybe he did need to go to a psychologist, but the thought of having to talk to person about his soulmate made his stomach twist with an anxious feeling. He ignored that foolish thought and decided that it was better to keep it to himself. Maybe one day his soulmate would stop writing to him so he wouldn’t have to think about it again.

Then one day they really stopped.

Kiyoomi didn’t notice immediately, his soulmate rarely wrote to him at that point, but then it passed too much time since the last writing.

He knew that he was the one wishing for that future, he had no rights to expect anything, it was better if his soulmate finally gave up. But a little part of him could not help to worry what if his soulmate… what if something happened to them? What if they died?

Well, of course he did not want anyone to die but… it shouldn’t have concerned him. They were nothing to him so it shouldn’t have mattered if they died or not. He had no right to worry. It was better this way, he kept repeating to himself.

Well, they were not dead.

Kiyoomi let out a heavy breath. His chest felt lighter.

His soulmate didn’t write him for months, no random facts, no cheating on tests, nothing.

Then one day, out of the blue, Kiyoomi found _“I just hope you’re doing ok”_ written on his left hand.

Then silence again, for years.

Kiyoomi remembered how once he came out of the shower and discovered some weird stains on his torso. He wrinkled his nose and tried to observe them more carefully. They almost seemed like… He became red all of a sudden and mentally tried to remember if he ever got any other part of his body dirt masturbating.

The realization that there was the possibility that his soulmate found another partner hit him hard. Why was he sad? It had nothing to do with him. It was better this way, he didn’t want the other person to suffer forever because of him. He wanted this! Then why was he crying?

He was undressing in the locker room when he found something written on his leg.

He had not heard from his soulmate in years. His heart started pumping faster. He realized he was afraid to find out what was written. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

_“Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if it had worked for us. I really hope everything is fine in your life now.”_

Was everything fine? He finished school and almost immediately he’d been claimed by a first division team. Of course, everything was fine.

«Uh-oh. Omi Omi, are you chat-loving with your soulmate? You never told us about them, I thought you didn’t have one» teased Atsumu, smirking from the bench near him.

«What? Omi Omi’s soulmate?» yelled Bokuto. «I wanna know! I wanna know!»

«Bokuto, stop jumping around and get changed!»

Fortunately, their captain scolded him, letting Kiyoomi to avoid dealing with that giant idiot of his teammate. Having the other idiot teammate smirking at him like a damn fox was already too much.

«Worry about _your_ soulmate. Don’t you have one?» he snapped, gritting his teeth and spitting some poison back to Atsumu with his words.

Atsumu kept smiling, but now his expression seemed almost sad.

«Oh, I _do_ have one» he said before standing up and going back to change.

Atsumu never talked about his soulmate. Kiyoomi knew he had one because sometimes the information slipped in some topics, but he never said the name nor specified anything about them or their relationship.

Someone would think Atsumu keeping his soulmate a secret and not wanting to talk about them would make Kiyoomi feel safe to not have to mention them in any topic. Yet, it was the perfect opportunity to talk about them precisely because Atsumu didn’t want to. Besides, Kiyoomi was a pretty petty person and he wanted to make Atsumu pay to have drawn attention to him earlier. Why did Atsumu mention the soulmate topic if he was the first one wanting to avoid it? Well, that was just because he is an idiot.

He waited to finally catch him alone in the gym to approach him and then, because Kiyoomi had no patience, totally in his style, he got straight to the point.

«Are you two together?»

Atsumu jumped scared, not expecting to be brutally startled like that. «What?» he asked, still confused.

Kiyoomi looked annoyed. «You and your soulmate.»

Atsumu smiled just to mock him. «Are you interested?»

Kiyoomi’s face twisted in disgust. «Just answer» hissed between his teeth.

The setter took some seconds to reply, his face seemed troubled. «I don’t know what to answer» he said and sounded sincere. He scratched his neck, feeling a bit nervous. «Kind of? Not really?»

Kiyoomi’s gaze on the other intensified, he was trying to puzzle the information he had to figure out what Atsumu was implying. Then he sighed, already tired of putting effort in anything involving that idiot’s life.

«You know what, I don’t need to know.»

«No, you don’t need to» replied Atsumu, looking at the spiker with a dead serious look.

Kiyoomi felt a shiver for a moment, but he would have preferred to choke rather than being afraid of Atsumu Miya.

«If you’re not really together… What do you do? Can you date other people?»

Atsumu widened his eyes, shocked. «Wait. Are you really interested?»

«No» immediately replied Kiyoomi, annoyed, showing every drop of disgust on his face. «If you were the last man on this planet, I’d kill myself.»

Atsumu laughed. «Aw, cute.»

The spiker raised one eyebrow, getting impatient. «So?»

Suddenly Atsumu stopped, feeling insecure. «I- Well, I could.»

Kiyoomi studied him for what it seemed a long time, looking him serious – too serious – in the eyes.

«What about the two of us having sex?»

Atsumu almost choked. «So, you were interested!»

«I’m not!» Kiyoomi cut him, rolling his eyes. «I just wanna get laid once in a while! If you haven’t notice, there aren’t so many people without a soulmate or willing to have experiences outside their bond.»

Atsumu stayed silent for a moment, he looked at his feet, thinking really hard, then he looked back at the teammate.

«You must be desperate to ask _me_.» There was no mock in his tone.

Kiyoomi sighed and felt his shoulders lighter yet weaker.

«Yes, I am» he admitted.

«Rude» chuckled Atsumu. Then he returned serious, pointing one finger at the other. «At one condition.» He waited a few seconds before continuing and Kiyoomi knew that it was just to make all sound dramatic. Then he declared: «I bottom.»

Disgust spread all over Kiyoomi’s face and not for Atsumu’s sexual preference, he got nothing to judge about that as, in fact, he also preferred to bottom, if he had to be honest, he just didn’t like so much to actually have someone with him. He knew his mind worked in a very complex way, but it was not a feeling that would have gone away someday soon without a lot of work about himself and his twisted logic and phobias.

No, his disgust was just about Atsumu himself being Atsumu.

Kiyoomi was about to say that they would have decided flipping a coin but then he thought better to shut up, not feeling so comfortable that he was really going to do it, especially with Atsumu. Probably it was better to let him decide for once.

Instead he scoffed. «Whatever» he simply replied and Atsumu smirked. He already regretted the accord.

He later invited the other to his apartment, specifying how he did not trust Atsumu’s house and how he was willing to do it only in place he knew it had been cleaned properly.

He was not interested in small talks to break the ice, he didn’t even like to talk to Atsumu. He wanted to go straight – in a definitely not straight way – to the point and just temporally forget about everything.

When their lips met and crushed again each other, Kiyoomi felt… wrong. He tried to ignore the feeling, telling himself that it was just because there was a person touching him, so his mind was fighting against the sensation and, even worse, because it was Atsumu. But a small part of his brain was screaming that the reason was something else and that, deep down, he knew very well what. He ignored that part of his brain.

As a result of rebelling against his own body, he just kissed Atsumu even harder.

Kiyoomi remembered always too late why he didn’t like so much to have sex. He liked the physical reaction of his body in pleasure, but he really disliked the touching and kissing and the sweating, in general to be so near and intimate with another person. 

But he just wanted to not think about his soulmate for a moment. He tried to not think about them for his whole life and the only result was him constantly thinking about them and being afraid of the possibility to know them one day.

But now everything he did and was doing seemed so pointless. Why was he even having sex with someone? Was he feeling lonely? Sad? Was he jealous because probably his soulmate found someone else and had a life without him even if he was the one wanting it? Not wanting a soulmate did not change the fact that he _had_ a soulmate. So why not know them? Well, because he didn’t like affection and he knew that he could never make them happy with all his paranoia. And why the few times he met people he was willing to have them as his soulmate, they never were, in fact, his true soulmate?

The anger spreading inside his body was making him feel numb.

«Mark me» he ordered to Atsumu.

The blonde looked at him confused, then he replaced his expression with a smug one. «Uh, Omi Omi, I didn’t take you for someone-»

«Cut that crap! Mark me!» the other hissed.

Now Atsumu looked worried and tried to speak, but he didn’t really know what to say.

Kiyoomi cut him before he could open his mouth. «Shut up! Just mark me, I said! Neck, collarbone, chest, it doesn’t matter, wherever you want.»

Atsumu pressed his lips in a thin line, but he didn’t feel like to push more. There was this unsaid understanding between them where they just didn’t ask each other private questions about their soulmates, so Atsumu figured out the whole matter was probably something involving them.

«Harder» said Kiyoomi when Atsumu’s teeth reached his skin. There was nothing kinky in his tone, he wanted to be sure there would have been a mark left.

Would have their soulmate looked at the bruise on his skin and realized? Would have they felt jealous? Would have their partner noticed and maybe got mad thinking they were cheating?

Suddenly he realized that the thought was funny in his mind because he was thinking about English tests. A moment passed and he hated himself. What kind of twisted mind would wish something like that for their soulmate? He was sick. Sick of himself.

Later, when he was alone at home, and looked at his body in the mirror, with the hickey visible, he tried to repress the tears escaping from his eyes, but he was not able to. He cried, realizing that he was probably the only one feeling miserable in this situation. He was always mocking Atsumu and Bokuto, but he was the real stupid.

Atsumu approached him quietly when almost everyone already left, making sure to have some private time away from nosy ears. He meant Bokuto. Away from Bokuto.

Atsumu seemed quite embarrassed and uncomfortable before speaking, abusing of his bad habit of scratching his neck when he was nervous. Kiyoomi frowned, narrowing his gaze.

«You know, I think we should stop» Atsumu finally spoke. «I realized I don’t really wanna do it… Probably too late, uh?» He chuckled, trying to release the tension. «Don’t get jealous, you’re still my favorite person to flirt with. I hope… everything is good between us, right?»

Kiyoomi raised an eyebrow. Sarcasm was his main defense.

«One time was enough to feel disgusted?»

Atsumu raised his hands in the air. «You said it!» he exclaimed, acting innocently. Then he lowered his hands and started tortured them, nervously, not able to look Kiyoomi in the eyes. «I feel like I’m cheating on them and… I don’t want to.»

When he spoke, his voice was low and soft, almost guilty, so Kiyoomi knew that Atsumu was sincere and probably that was one of the few times he looked so exposed and defenseless. Kiyoomi didn’t like it, because seeing Atsumu like this felt wrong and even more intimate than sex. He preferred his nosy, irritating and annoying version, who had never had to pity. Kiyoomi disliked pity.

The black-haired spiker bit his lips, uncertain on what to say. «But you’re not together, right?»

Atsumu smiled sadly, still not looking at him. «No, we’re not. We… can’t be together.»

Kiyoomi wanted to ask why, but he felt like that was something too private that Atsumu would not feel like to share. But anger was starting to rise inside him, anger towards… himself. He wasn’t sad, he didn’t even mind this kind of rejection, he didn’t like Atsumu in the first place, and he was usually the one rejecting others, so he couldn’t complain, it wasn’t something touching him.

What he could not understand was… why Atsumu could not? Why he wanted to be faithful to his soulmate if they could not be together? He was rejecting to find some kind of happiness in his life for… what? Someone that probably couldn’t make him happy just by existing?

«So… why? I don’t think you’re talking just about me. If you’re not together, you can have your own life. You deserve it» he spitted, trying to stay calm.

«Yeah, I could. But the fact is… that I don’t want to.» Atsumu sighed, briefly looking at his teammate and then immediately avoiding his gaze again. «No one will feel _right_ , do you get it?»

 _No_ , his logic wanted to answer.

 _Yes_ , the tight pain in his chest was screaming.

He just didn’t want to accept the reality of his bond and he was projecting his fears on Atsumu’s life. He disliked pity probably because he had always been pitiful.

«Omi-san! Omi-san! Omi-senpai!»

Kiyoomi frowned and pretended not to listen, going to pick another ball. He turned just in time, because Hinata was about to jump on him from behind. He quickly avoided him, leaving the tangerine teammate to hug the air, feeling kind of lost. He turned to Kiyoomi and pouted.

«C’mon, Omi-senpai! You could high five me for once!»

The other scoffed. «Leave me alone» he said, changing partner for the rotation and going to Tomas.

He knew exactly that Hinata was calling him with honorific just to get something in return, but that didn’t work with him, mostly because he disliked both giving favors and receiving them.

«Just once!» Hinata cried, but Kiyoomi ignored him again.

«Hinata! Stop fooling around and get in position!» yelled angrily captain Meian.

Atsumu’s laugh echoed in the gym. «Man! Stop trying to high five him every time, he’s never done it.»

«Boring!» exclaimed the younger one, running towards Meian to get ready to set for him.

«Miya, you too!» Meian shouted.

This time was Barnes’ turn to chuckle. The captain sent him a scowl.

Shoyo Hinata was the last arrived on the team and the youngest. Apparently, he was also a fucking ray of sunshine and a ball of energy who could compete against Bokuto. He was terrifying.

Kiyoomi knew him since high school, he saw him in matches and knew how high he could jump, his incredible speed, his insane quick attacks and much more. But he never got the pleasure to play against him and now he was playing _with_ him. Or with a better version of that high school speed because now Hinata was much better than what he remembered. He told them that he spent more than a year training in Rio and playing beach volleyball, that was what made him more skilled.

Kiyoomi was confused about the beach volley part and he was not the only one, but the others all changed their expression in amazed ones, so he kept quiet. At that time, he did not know Hinata and did not particularly wanted to have a conversation with him.

Little did he know that it was Hinata who wanted to have a conversation with him. Not only with him, he was chatty and energetic and often with a smile on his lips. It was exhausting just to breathe the same air as his. He was not totally annoying, but he seemed always excited to learn something new, watching carefully the others playing, asking a lot of technical stuff. It was not a strange feeling, because Kiyoomi remembered the feeling of wanting to improve and to learn from older players and Hinata was a good guy. Sometimes he just felt… too much. Like staying under the sun for too long and feeling overwhelmed, at first it seems nice and you are warm and peaceful, but then it gets too hot and you get burned.

«Last one!» shouted Meian, clapping his hands to get everybody move faster.

Kiyoomi changed position again with the rotation and noticed that his pair was Hinata again. Suddenly, when he spotted him, the ginger one smirked, with a determined look on his face, which made Kiyoomi nervous and eager to avoid his eyes to concentrate only on the next spike.

He started to run before Hinata set the ball in air, because he knew he liked quicks and was training himself to make them as quick as Atsumu’s. Before joining the team, he never saw Hinata setting in high school and now he often asked to set in practice, always asking Atsumu for advice. The two of them used to spend a lot of time together because of this new Hinata’s obsession, or maybe it was just Atsumu flirting with every living being and not.

Just the thought was enough to make his face twist with annoyance. Not that he was jealous, Atsumu just knew how to always get on his nerves and Hinata was probably still too naïve to get away from him before it was too late.

There was still a lot to improve in the ginger’s setting, but he was good, Kiyoomi did not even know how he was able to learn in so little time. Even if the other spiker was in high school with Kageyama, and now he was always analyzing Atsumu’s style and God knows what he did in Rio. What Kiyoomi knew was that the ball felt good in his hand and he had to hide a little smile when he spiked.

As soon as he touched the ground again, Hinata was running towards him, both of his hands in air and a big smile on his lips. But none of that didn’t matter, because what stole Kiyoomi’s attention was his intense and determined gaze, the same one he had when Kiyoomi approached him for the last round.

Hinata waited for the black-haired man to high five him, poking his tongue out, a – bad – habit of him when he was eager to obtain something.

«Give up, kiddo, he’s a lost cause!» shouted Atsumu from across the gym, laughing.

That alone was enough to make Kiyoomi frown, already annoyed.

«Who are you calling “kid”? You’re not much older, grandpa» he argued back.

His attention returned to the younger teammate, who was still waiting.

It was the last round, they finished practice, he was going to wash his hands and take a shower anyway, he had his sanitizing wipes on the bench to be sure…

He cautiously raised his hands and briefly pressed them against Hinata’s, making the clap sound echoing in the air. Kiyoomi already withdrew his hands, about to leave the gym, while surprise and then happiness spread all over Hinata’s face. He couldn’t stand to watch him, so he didn’t, giving him shoulders in order to make sure no one could notice the light pink dust of embarrassment on his cheeks. He wanted to escape as fast as possible to take a shower.

«Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?» cried Atsumu, dropping his jaw in total shock.

Bokuto gasped dramatically. «Me too! Me too!» he screamed, running and jumping towards Kiyoomi.

«Don’t fucking touch me!» he warned, starting to run away from Bokuto.

«You all stop messing around or that boomer of a captain will get mad!» exclaimed Inunaki with a resigned sigh.

«I’m already mad!» shouted back Meian, angrily.

Hinata laughed, Tomas and Barnes along with him.

Tomas’ laugh was so loud to surpass the noise in the restaurant.

«Coach! Coach! You promised to pay!» he exclaimed with his funny accent, trying to shout loud enough to be heard from the other side of the table.

«Shut up, you goofy giant! You’re gonna let them kick us out if you keep screaming like that» Inunaki scolded him.

«But everyone is making noise! How am I supposed to be heard?» protested the other.

Inunaki started to pinch him in the arm. «Maybe we don’t wanna hear you.»

«Rude!» whined Tomas, pouting.

Kiyoomi observed his teammates laughing and having fun, he got used to similar scenes in his daily life since the first day he joined the team, sometimes they made him cozy. He finished to drink another beer, then he excused himself and stood up, going outside to get some fresh air.

The sun set down a couple of hours earlier so now the sky was dark, even if the street was full of lights and people because of the many restaurants in the zone. It was too noisy and crowded even in the street, so Kiyoomi walked a bit, turned in an alley and stood against a wall, finally taking some deep breaths away from other people. He raised his eyes to the sky, but no star was visible because of the light pollution.

From the noise of the steps in the street, he heard some coming close and he saw Hinata walking to him when he looked down.

The ginger boy leaned against the wall beside him. «Here you are, I knew you were going somewhere more peaceful.»

«Not anymore since you’re here» Kiyoomi remarked.

Shoyo chuckled, but it felt different from his usual one, almost embarrassed. Kiyoomi side-eyed him and saw the red spread on his cheeks, but he was pretty sure it was not of embarrassment but because he was tipsy from the beers he drank.

«It feels like one of those nights in which you want to stay alone, smoking and watching the stars» the other said. He looked up to Kiyoomi with his big brown eyes and a smile on the lips which seemed to never go away. «Omi-san, do you smoke?»

He was right. It really felt like one of those nights.

«No» he confessed. «Tried like twice in my life, but if I smoke it feels like I can’t breathe properly, like I don’t have enough air.»

Shoyo nodded in understanding. «Oh, I see. I do sometimes but just when I can’t relax properly.»

It was hard to imagine Shoyo Hinata struggling and feeling anxious instead of being a living beam of sunshine, always laughing and exercising.

Kiyoomi raised an eyebrow and teased: «Strange enough for a guy obsessed with his diet and living a super healthy life.»

«Hey, I’m not obsessed! I can enjoy myself! I like going to restaurants and I like drinking!» argued the ginger.

Kiyoomi scoffed, not able to hide the little grin on his face. «Oh, that I can see.»

Shoyo stuck his tongue out. «Stop teasing. Rio left me also some bad habits, but I don’t regret it. I also like clubs and dancing, even if I don’t look like» he said, crossing his arms with a proud smile. He glanced at the other spiker, the smile still on his lips, but the tone more serious. «You should come with me sometimes.»

Kiyoomi made a face. «In your dreams» he mocked.

Shoyo’s smile widened, his expression became more mischievous. «Is that a date?» he asked.

Kiyoomi glared at him, narrowing his eyes and pouting. Was he flirting? Really? Shoyo was spending too much time with Atsumu, he was influencing him in the worst way. He did not like this new side of him being even more open than the usual, and not to ask stupid volleyball questions but to provoke him. Ok, maybe he found it interesting, but he didn’t like it, it didn’t have any effect on him, the stomach grip he had was just because he was feeling uncomfortable, nothing more.

Shoyo was still looking at him, still smiling, his voice lower. «But you would look sexy while smoking.»

Was he flirting? Was he fucking flirting? He was, dammit.

Kiyoomi felt his heart aching but he would have preferred death rather than to admit something like that.

He hoped nothing betrayed the cold expression he was used to wear.

«I find really sexy people who care about their hygiene» he answered back with a monotone voice.

Shoyo gasped, his eyes widened. He stayed silent for some moments, thinking intensely. Did he break Shoyo Hinata?

Then the ginger smiled again, looking more relaxed. «I guessed I should have expected that.»

Kiyoomi looked at him, at his smiling face and how it was painful to watch after a while. Every time Shoyo was around it felt like happiness itself run over Kiyoomi, overwhelming, leaving him feeling… too much. Like burning under the sun, he remembered. It was driving him crazy because Kiyoomi didn’t like people who he could not understand. The fact was that sometimes Shoyo seemed very simple minded to understand, other time he seemed so simple that Kiyoomi was sure he was hiding something, and in rare occasion… Shoyo had a cold intense expression, usually when he was thinking really hard, thinking things Kiyoomi wasn’t able to figure out. It scared him, leaving him chills all over his body.

«Do you wanna come back inside?» Shoyo asked. «They’re gonna finish all the meat, I can’t let them.»

«Yeah» he simply murmured, getting away from the wall and trying to hide a little smile.

Shoyo stopped and turned to him, again with that intense gaze of his, but with a soft and playful voice. «I like you, Omi-san. You’re nice in your own way, instead of what the others say about you.»

Kiyoomi froze, speechless, still disliking Shoyo’s power to be so honest in any situation. He felt his face heating up, but he could not find the strength to open his mouth and to say something that could make sense. Then the second part of the sentence hit him hard and he frowned, touchy.

«What did those fuckfaces say about me?»

It all clicked another night.

Atsumu and Bokuto brutally dragged him to drink, because apparently Suna and Washio were in town and Komori was disappointed with him being asocial as usual. Shoyo tagged along and they all went to a pub. What no one told Kiyoomi was that it was a karaoke night. Apparently, only Bokuto, Komori and Atsumu knew it, but Suna was soon with his phone in hand recording every embarrassing song they were singing to blackmail them later when they would have sobered up.

Shoyo sat next to him, smiling bright and laughing hard at some joke Washio was telling about Bokuto. He kept on drinking, his leg often bumping into Kiyoomi’s, who was swallowing his drink.

As usual, after a while, with everyone having fun and reaching their mood, Kiyoomi excused himself and went to catch some fresh air. He wore his mask, going through the crowd outside the pub and walking until he reached a small park not so far from it. The view was shitty, few trees and just buildings surrounding it, but at least it was quite private and there was no one there. He sat on a bench, suddenly finding interesting to watch a moth flying around a streetlamp, enjoying the quiet.

«Boo!» yelled a voice too close to Kiyoomi’s ear, making him jump.

He turned around fast just to see Shoyo chuckling with a mischievous grin on his face. He had red flushed cheeks, his eyes looked a bit heavy. He was totally drunk. Kiyoomi remembered to have seen him mixing several cans of beer with a couple bottles of sake for the whole evening. And yet Kiyoomi couldn’t help to find his smile beautiful.

Shoyo climbed over the bench, to six next to the teammate. Something was extremely familiar with a night they had before. Kiyoomi instinctively looked up at the sky, but the moon was covered by the clouds. Was it a coincidence that he was never able to see the moon on the nights he shared with Shoyo?

«What are you doing here?» the dark haired asked, with his annoyed tone to cover any kind of embarrassing thought he had few seconds ago about the ginger.

Shoyo’s smirk widened and he even raised his eyebrows.

«I was looking for some company» he admitted, winking. Yes, he was definitely drunk, Kiyoomi thought.

«You had more company there than here» he pointed out.

«Yeah, but I wanted someone cute» Shoyo replied.

He couldn’t believe that little exuberant Shoyo Hinata was flirting with him and not even for the first time. Kiyoomi mentally thanked to have worn his mask so he could hide his embarrassment.

He tried to find a funny answer soon to cover his discomfort.

«Sorry to disappoint you but Wan-san isn’t here tonight.»

Shoyo looked at him in surprise, then clicked his tongue. «Oh, so is he your type?»

Kiyoomi side-eyed him briefly, not wanting to expose himself more.

«Maybe. Who knows?»

He heard Shoyo shifting from his position, even if he tried to not look directly at him, he caught him resting his head on one of his arm on the bench, looking dreamy at him with a smile only drunk people have.

«Well, Omi-san, I don’t know if I have a type, but I can picture them exactly like you.»

Kiyoomi froze and gulped. «Good for you that you see me every day then» he answered without thinking.

Even before his brain could register the information, his mouth was speaking. He mentally cursed himself. Immediately afterwards, he felt nervous.

There was a pause of absolute silence and then: «Omi-san, can I kiss you?» Shoyo asked, his voice sounded totally different when speaking in a serious tone.

Kiyoomi did not dare to look, trying to keep staring in front of himself. His heart started racing so fast that for a moment he thought he was going to die there on that bench. He was feeling hot and sweaty and at the same time he felt every inch of his skin tickling like he was about to shiver from top to toe.

«Can I?» the ginger asked again, his voice closer.

Kiyoomi really didn’t want to see if Shoyo was really closer or not, but the anxiety building up in him was making him difficult to breathe through his mask, the air was missing.

A finger raised his chin and forced him to look in Shoyo’s direction. Yes, he shifted closer. More fingers touched his skin, caressed his cheek and his jaw. Shoyo was looking intensely in his eyes and he realized that, if he was avoiding them earlier, now he found himself not able to look away.

Shoyo’s fingers kept on caressing that small part of skin, slowly reaching the hair behind Kiyoomi’s ears and then carefully removing his mask.

Kiyoomi could now breathe a little bit better but he felt so exposed, he got conscious on how he was heavy breathing and his chest was rising up and down faster than usual and Shoyo could see everything, but his eyes were locked on him and he couldn’t find himself able to speak.

Shoyo’s face seemed to be slowly closer and closer every second passed.

«Then don’t hate me» the ginger whispered when he was a few inches away from the other’s lips.

The raven-haired boy closed his eyes in fear and when their lips really touched it was so soft that Kiyoomi felt like he was melting. Did Icarus feel like that when he finally reached the sun? Maybe he did, because somehow that kiss was also painful. Yet Kiyoomi wanted more and his lips started moving back on Shoyo’s.

The younger kept caressing his jaw, then his fingers slowly traced his neck and Kiyoomi tried to recollect every drop of strength left in him to stop himself from shivering or making any sound. And he really hoped it did work because at that moment he didn’t have any kind of awareness of his surrounding that wasn’t Shoyo’s lips softly and slowing moving on his like he was carefully trying not to scare him. A silly glimpse in that foggy mind of his thought he was being treated like a stray cat someone was being careful to get close to give it food.

He felt Shoyo shifting again, now each of his knees were on his sides and he casually sat on Kiyoomi’s lap.

His mind snapped back to reality when he felt a hand on his hip. He stiffened and opened his eyes, which was the worst move possible because Shoyo was firmly looking at him with open eyes while kissing, a gaze so intense Kiyoomi felt the air being sucked from him and his brain wasn’t even working anymore to move his lips properly.

He could not understand if Shoyo took the result of his malfunctioning brain as an invitation, but he knew that next moment he felt Shoyo’s tongue against his and then licking inside his mouth.

Every inch of his nervous system screamed, heat spreading inside his body from the sensation, but suddenly another feeling snapped, overwhelming every other one.

He started being aware of the taste of alcohol, the touch of another person on his skin, the saliva of another human being mixing with his, the closeness of their bodies. He jerked away fast at the realization, turning away his face and pressing his hands on Shoyo’s shoulder to back him off.

He tried to calm down his breath that apparently was fastening again.

«Sorry» he said immediately, knowing how confusing that sounded.

Shoyo stepped back, moving a little bit away from the bench.

«Don’t mind» he assured him. Kiyoomi looked at him, but Shoyo had his eyes down on his feet, not looking at anything in particularly.

Fear of misunderstanding built in Kiyoomi’s chest, but he didn’t even know how to start to explain what was going through his mind and he couldn’t find the voice to speak.

«It was silly» continued Shoyo, with a sad smile painted on his face. He seemed to talk more to himself than to Kiyoomi. Without saying anything else, Shoyo turned his back to his teammate and walked away.

Kiyoomi wasn’t able to say anything and he kept sitting on that bench for long, looking at anything in particularly with wide eyes in shock and his mind being a mess that wouldn’t have been easy to untangle so soon.

After a long time in which his brain seemed to be unable to functionally think anything with common sense, he went back to the pub and there Shoyo acted like nothing happened and never mentioned it again.

Kiyoomi Sakusa was fucked. Practice caused him mixed feelings lately. Every time Shoyo was smiling or saying something stupid or even very little to him, he was feeling warm and cozy inside and he really hoped his feelings to not betray him showing some sort of smile on his face. His whole team would have teased him forever. On the other hand, he wanted to scream and hit his head hard against a wall when Shoyo’s muscles were so exposed and he was constantly having a gay panic attack. He tried to ignore the part where he was sweating from practice because that was just gross and he probably would have thrown up, no matter if it were Shoyo.

He sighed, exhausted, when the coach called an end to the day.

In the locker room, Atsumu and Bokuto started to bicker about something that Kiyoomi highly ignored, concentrated only to wear fresh clothes and dry properly his hair after the shower. 

Except that Bokuto’s voice was always so damn loud.

«Sho-chan, don’t listen to him!» said Atsumu, trying to be audible over the other.

«Shoyo would never betray me!» whined Bokuto. «What’s your problem with yogurt?»

Shoyo laughed and Kiyoomi did not dare to turn to see him, he knew too well that his smile, his light up face, how little wrinkles would appear around his mouth and eyes when he was smiling too wide, his whole body after the shower, were weapons too dangerous for his self-control.

«I don’t have problems with yogurt! It’s this strawberry shit you’re drinking that is disgusting. The smell is too strong and sweet! How can you drink it?» protested Atsumu.

Bokuto grinned malicious, a very bad signal for whoever knew him because it meant that he was still petty for something and he wanted to get revenge. Bokuto slowly walked towards the setter, yogurt’s bottle in one hand. Atsumu immediately understood his intention, his eyes widened, his face twisted in horror and he stepped back, a pathetic attempt hoping that Bokuto would have stopped. Turned out in Bokuto starting to run and Atsumu running away from him.

«Stop it! Get away from me!» Atsumu was screaming. Soon their captain would have yelled at them. «Shoyo, protect me!» the setter kept whining.

Atsumu hid behind a confused Shoyo, using him like a human shield, while Bokuto searched for a way to surround him, but he was just blocking Hinata between them, making difficult for him to escape, even if it wasn’t on purpose. Atsumu made another scream, frenetically waving his arms in a poor attempt to keep Bokuto away, with the only result of his hand hitting the bottle of yogurt, which dropped right on Shoyo’s face.

The two bickering teammates froze, looking at their victim, pink yogurt dripping on his face. An unusual silence fell in the room, so Kiyoomi turn around to see what happened. Captain Meian would have been so mad in a few seconds.

Shoyo burst out laughing, so the tension eased in the room, while Kiyoomi’s heart skipped a beat. Damn, what was happening to him lately? He mentally cursed himself to get his shit together, because he could not afford to deal with those kinds of feelings. He came to terms a long time ago that he would not be in any kind of established relationships and he was totally fine with it, he actually felt better whenever he was thinking about it. So, what was that stupid crush he was developing for his teammate? It was stupid and foolish and impossible and… And impossible, yes. First because Shoyo deserved much more and better than him, then because he couldn’t make Shoyo happy and he didn’t exactly wanted to have just a fling with him, risking to ruin everything between them, risking… to get burned staying so close to the sun. Even if probably he already ruined everything. But until Shoyo stayed silent and did not bring it up, keeping on smiling at him with his jokes, then Kiyoomi would also have pretended nothing happened.

Bokuto and Atsumu tentatively laughed too, relieved that Shoyo was not planning their funeral… yet. Bokuto was the first one to give in that contagious and innocent happiness, typically of Shoyo. He laughed even harder, turning towards the rest of his teammates with a wide smile. Smile that suddenly disappeared, replaced by a confused look when he looked at Kiyoomi.

«Omi-kun, your face…» he didn’t finish the sentence, letting the words to fade.

Atsumu’s attention was being drowned towards him and his expression immediately changed when he saw Kiyoomi, shock in his widen eyes and almost… terror. Shoyo, seeing the other two focusing on their teammate, tuned around to look at him too. His hair and partially his face and his clothes were covered in strawberry yogurt, big drops slowly sliding on his cheeks and then falling on the ground from his chin. Shoyo’s big brown eyes were fixed on him, there was no happiness left in his body now, mouth slowly opening in surprised.

Panic rose in Kiyoomi’s chest. He fast turned to see himself in the mirror in his locker. His face was covered in pinkish and long stains which were slowly expanding, slipping in the same spots he saw on Shoyo’s body. He touched the marks, but they were not wiping off, meaning the only one thing that Kiyoomi tried so hard to avoid in all those years.

He closed his eyes, his chest now felt heavy and painful. Maybe it was just a glitch, maybe he was tired and didn’t look properly, right? But when he opened his eyes again, the same spots were still there. He widened his eyes, really feeling the panic building up.

He turned fast to see Shoyo again, but for some reason he could not focus on anything now.

«Omi-Omi, don’t tell me you found your soulmate!» spoke Bokuto, but his words were just a distant echo.

His hearing was fading off along with his sight.

«Bokuto. Shut up» said what it seemed Atsumu’s voice, he couldn’t tell anymore.

He wanted to escape from there, he didn’t want anyone to look at him, judge him or pity him, he wanted to erase everything, away from Shoyo’s memory, he wanted to run away and pretend that none of it happened. His breath was heavy and short, the space surrounding him seemed too small and crowded, the air was missing from the room.

He did not realize that he was already running, he couldn’t hear any voice if they were calling him and he didn’t even know where he was running. He snapped back to reality when he felt someone hurting his shoulder. He turned to see that he accidentally hit his coach in the corridor, but he seemed fine, only surprised to see him in that state.

Coach Foster blinked his eyes a couple of times, before trying to ask something.

«Sakusa…?»

But Kiyoomi did not let him. As soon as the coach opened his mouth, he started running again, afraid that his voice would betray him if he tried to speak and that the coach would find out what was really happening. He ran till he reached the parking lot, realizing that he left his car key in the locker, along with his bag, his uniform and everything else. He cursed himself but he had no intention to go back and deal with the others. He pressed his fists on his eyes, catching his breath for a moment, then he started jogging. Soon or later he would have arrived at home, he just had to think of a way to avoid any questions or discussions the day after at practice.

It is kind of late when his intercom rang. He was laying on his bed, wearing fresh clothes after the shower, hair well dried and good scented. Someone at his door at this late hour could mean only bad news and he was genuinely afraid that it could be Shoyo or any other of his teammates. He froze in place, waiting a few seconds to think about what to do; this was so suddenly that his brain was a mess which could not process an actual plan.

Another ring.

Kiyoomi tentatively raised up from the bed, trying to make no sound, even if he knew that he lived in a building, the intercom at the entrance was at the ground floor and his flat was far from it. He realized that what he was doing made no sense, but instinct was stronger.

He reached the intercom and saw what he was afraid of from the cam: Shoyo.

His heart started pumping faster as the intercom rang again. Kiyoomi closed his eyes in pain for a few moments. When he opened them again, he saw Shoyo through the cam, he leaned slowly against the wall and then he sat down on the ground, hugging his knees and turning into a ball.

Kiyoomi bit his lips and hated really hard what he did next: he pressed the button to open the entrance door. He didn’t even know why, but guilt built inside his stomach and for some reasons he couldn’t bear to see Shoyo in that state in front his building, especially when he knew he had to deal with him the next day anyway. He could have avoided him for the whole practice, he didn’t really have to speak to him while they were training, but just being in the same room as him and the possibility of their eyes meeting was enough to make him uncomfortable.

Was he weak because Shoyo’s puppy face was enough to change his mind and make him doing things he would have regretted later?

Well, of course he was weak, he absolutely despised himself for being so whipped every time he had a crush on someone. So much on acting cool and trying to never lose his temper only to gay panic around a pretty face. He truly was the most pitiful one.

When he realized that he opening the door meant Shoyo coming to his apartment to speak… Shoyo… who rang and then waited outside the building when he had no answer because probably he thought that Kiyoomi hadn’t come back yet since he left his car at the gym… but him opening the door meant that he was definitely inside his apartment, so maybe Shoyo now thought that he was avoiding him, which was totally true, but Kiyoomi didn’t want Shoyo to think that…

Panic overwhelmed his brain making it run too fast to process things clearly. Having no time to think an efficient plan, he almost took off his shirt. He wanted to appear like he just got out of the shower, but half through the process, he realized that it was a stupid idea. There was no possibility that he, of all people, would have opened a door half naked, he would rather have made the guest wait outside the door and Shoyo knew it. Instead he went to the sink and started pouring some water on his head trying to wet his hair, making it appear like he had no time to dry them since Shoyo showed up. He put a towel around his neck, a desperate attempt to make the scene more credible and also because he wanted to avoid catching a cervical.

He heard footsteps approaching the door and his heart was in his throat. He froze in place when Shoyo rang again, this time it was directly his door. He took a deep breath to compose himself and to take the courage to open the door.

It took all Kiyoomi’s strength to not stop breathing when he saw Shoyo. He was in his gym clothes, meaning that he came directly to his place, and he had Kiyoomi’s bag in one hand.

«I only came to bring your things. You left them at the gym» the ginger said, hanging him the bag.

Kiyoomi took it and looked at it for longer than he really wanted, actually looking for a way to avoid the other’s gaze.

«I put your keys inside and everything I found, I hope I didn’t forget anything. Sorry if I did» continued his teammate.

«Right…» was the only response that came in his mind to not look like a total fool standing in his own apartment in silent, but it still was awkward. Kiyoomi bit his lips, nervous. «You can say it you’re here to talk, it’s only natural after all.»

«Is it?» asked Shoyo. His gaze was dead serious, his lips were a thin unexpressive line and he was rising an eyebrow.

That tone surprised Kiyoomi, the annoyed and somehow tired expression was something unusual to see on Shoyo’s face, but suddenly he realized that he was not just Shoyo Hinata, his teammate, anymore. No, he was Shoyo Hinata, the soulmate he tried to ignore for all those years and who unfortunately had to deal with having a bond with a jerk like Kiyoomi. Not to talk about the part where they kissed when they didn’t know they were soulmates yet and how Kiyoomi rejected him.

The older moved from the door, making room for Shoyo to come in, shut the door behind him and went to put the bag he was holding on a table in the living room. Shoyo followed in silence, giving some looks around, but trying to not show much how curious he was to be there for the first time. Kiyoomi never organized anything, less invited someone, so it was very rare that someone went to his house.

Seeing Kiyoomi approaching the couch area, Shoyo automatically sat on it, while Kiyoomi sat on an armchair opposite at him. Silence fell in the room, uncertain of who had to speak first, but Shoyo was tired of always making the first step, he did for all those past years and what did he obtain? Nothing. Otherwise he would not have been in that situation.

«Honestly… I don’t know what to say» confessed Kiyoomi, taking the courage to speak. «I thought… I still think that you’d be happier without me. And probably me too.»

«Happier?» the ginger repeated but his face was tense, and his hands closed in tight fists which almost made Kiyoomi shiver.

The dark-haired boy tried to keep his gaze on the other, even if his discomfort desperately wanted to avoid any kind of look and fix on something else in the room.

«I understand if you want to punch me…» he started, trying to ease the tension in the air with a half-joke.

«Don’t tempt me» Shoyo warned, briefly gritting his teeth, «because I’d gladly accept the offer.» 

Kiyoomi swallowed, now really afraid. He bit the inside of his cheek and then he proceeded to speak: «I… I know it sounds fuck up, but I don’t know if… if I like you» he confessed. «I… kinda do, but I’m not so… sure.»

Shoyo scoffed, unimpressed. «Yeah, I could see that.»

At that point Kiyoomi lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed. He knew that Shoyo deserved a better explanation, but he didn’t know where or how to start, because he really did not want to talk about his phobia and his anxiety.

Shoyo sighed and rubbed behind his neck. «Sorry. I sound like a jerk.»

«Well, you kinda have the right…» the other pointed out.

«Yeah, I know» Shoyo cut him short. «Actually, I’m not mad anymore.»

«Doesn’t seem like that» Kiyoomi muttered, looking at his fingers and pretending to play with them just to not look up again.

Shoyo sighed again, trying to relax, and continued: «I had many years to think about you, it’s just that at some point I was convinced that I’d never meet you.» _Probably better_ , thought Kiyoomi. «So now I’m a little bitter if I think about what I’ve been through. Am I allowed of that?» he asked, a little prickly.

Kiyoomi slowly withdrew his neck between his shoulders, feeling ironically small in front of Shoyo.

«Sure» he said, his voice low from embarrassment.

«Look» Shoyo started, running a hand through his hair, «I don’t even care anymore why you pushed me away, I just want everything between us to be fine. I still want you as a teammate» he admitted.

Kiyoomi’s brain clearly was pulling a trick on himself because that “I still want you” was registered in a wrong way for a moment, giving him butterflies. He knew the other didn’t mean anything like that, but for a brief instant he still wished for something selfish that was better to never happen. For his sake and Shoyo’s.

Feeling heat spreading through his body, he wished for his face to show no blush to save the last bit of his reputation.

Instead he tried to concentrate to give a proper explanation to… his soulmate? Could he still call him like that? Did he have the right to?

Kiyoomi exhaled a shaken sigh, before proceeding: «When our bond formed… my phobia got worse, every time I saw a spot on my skin it makes me sick.» He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get away the feeling of nausea that always came when he was thinking about that memories. «You kept getting dirty and writing me and I was unprepared, I couldn’t stand something like that on my body. I still cannot, honestly. I thought I would have gone crazy because my chest was aching from the anxiety the spots gave me. I thought that cutting off was the best choice, so eventually you would have stopped. When I realized it was a shitty move and it was better to talk you out, it was too late. Well, not really too late, just for my pride. I was scared, my parents weren’t supportive or understanding and I wasn’t able to properly communicate with them and I projected my problem with them on you, I’m aware of it.» Kiyoomi felt his voice slowly cracking and his eyes watering but he kept going, repressing the tears which were forcibly trying to escape. «I can’t make you happy, Shoyo. I don’t like affection, I don’t like to touch or being touched, I don’t even like to kiss or even hug or being hands in hands and if I actively think about it, it makes me sick and I hate it, I’d never have a real relationship because of it. I can’t give you what you want and you… you deserve… so much…»

Before he could finish, he could not resist anymore and tears streamed long his face, making him openly sniff. He took his face in his hands, covering the mess he became, while his shoulders shivered and whimpered from sobbing.

«I wished you told me years ago» Shoyo murmured so low he could barely be heard over Kiyoomi’s whimpers. «I know myself and, being honest, I wouldn’t have understood at first. I’m kinda dumb sometimes. But I would have tried! And I was willing to improve for you. It’s not your choice to decide what can make me happy or not. Or what I deserve or… Or if the whole touchy matter is really a burden to me! It’s not the end of the world, we could have worked through it. Geez, if I’m really your soulma-»

Suddenly Shoyo shut up, closing his eyes and biting the inside of his cheek before saying something he would have regretted, knowing better to stop. He opened again his eyes and took a breath to calm down.

Kiyoomi was still covering his face with one of his arms, head low on his knees, while the other hand was taking a tissue from his pocket to clean his face from all the tears.

«I’m ok with whatever you want, really. We don’t have to talk or decide anything yet now, I know it was all so suddenly. Just… just promise me that we will still be teammates, that you won’t avoid me.»

Kiyoomi let out a shaken breath. He did not dare to raise up his head, but still managed to find the composure to speak. His voice was low and fragile, something that Shoyo found out to dislike.

«I couldn’t even if I want» he confessed. He slowly removed his arm from his face, his back straighten up a little and now his head was lifted from his knees, but he was still facing the ground instead of his teammate. He raised his hand to his chest, clinging his shirt. «There is this strong pull which makes me come back to you. It’s… It’s like I desperately need to breathe and you’re the only source of air around.»

Shoyo shifted a little on the couch, uncomfortable. Kiyoomi gave him a brief look before setting his eyes on his feet again. Shoyo had a light blush on his cheek and he was playing with his hands. Cute, thought Kiyoomi, suppressing a little smile. There was nothing to smile at that moment.

But right after that thought, Shoyo let out a giggle, startling the other in surprise. Kiyoomi finally looked at him and it was a mistake, because Shoyo was trying to cover himself with a hand on his mouth, but Kiyoomi could clearly see the wrinkles around his eyes and his cheekbones puffed more than usual, meaning he was smiling behind that hand.

«That’s cheesy, Omi-kun» said the ginger and immediately all the tension in the air was lifted from the room.

Kiyoomi relaxed at the sound of his chuckle and tentatively smiled back.

Some instants passed in silence, but Kiyoomi realized it was a comfortable one and he liked it, before Shoyo went back to his serious face, which Kiyoomi liked less.

The ginger opened and closed his mouth few times before properly speaking. «I… didn’t say anything to Coach. He came in the locker room asking what happened to you, but the others stayed silent, I think they wanted to respect my… our privacy. So, I just said that you didn’t feel very well and that I would have brought your stuff to you.»

A small «Thanks» escaped Kiyoomi’s mouth but Shoyo immediately dismissed it. «I probably run covered in pink yogurt.»

«I cleaned myself before he entered the locker room, so I don’t think he understood even if he noticed it.»

«Oh, that’s good» Kiyoomi said, a little relieved.

«I don’t know if he’ll find out, I mean… everyone on the team knows now, they can give us space but I’m afraid soon or later someone will ask.»

Kiyoomi went back at nervously looking at his hands in his own lap. «Yeah… our situation looks quite odd. I don’t like to admit it but probably the only one who will keep it down is Miya. How ironic.»

«About that…»

Kiyoomi sent a worried glance, hearing that sentence. He didn’t know why Shoyo was mentioning Atsumu but Kiyoomi knew that whatever was the matter, if Atsumu was in it, then it wouldn’t be good.

«He suggested me to not come here today and he offered to bring your things. But I really wanted to talk to you, so I ignored him.»

Ok, maybe Kiyoomi had a bit of prejudice, he could admit that. He appreciated that Atsumu thought that maybe he didn’t want to see Shoyo because too scared of the situation… which was totally true and probably, if someone would have asked Kiyoomi not even half an hour earlier, he’d have been glad for the first time in his life to see Atsumu’s face instead of anyone else.

«Ah, well…» Kiyoomi scratched his neck, a bit nervous. «He’s the only one who figured out how nervous I am when I have to talk about soulmates. I don’t know about his situation and I didn’t tell him anything about mine, but from what we could understand it’s something similar, but I don’t know that much. We have this sort of secret agreement where we don’t ask questions nor talk about it.»

Shoyo let out a surprised «Oh, I understand» looking away.

Noticing the light red on the other’s cheeks was out of embarrassment, Kiyoomi widen out his eyes and close his mouth in a thin line, with the realization of the assumption Shoyo was implying, and the dark haired immediately tried to clear the situation.

«We… we don’t have anything if you’re wondering. It’s not that sort-»

«No, I know, it’s ok» Shoyo assured him, cutting him short with his waving hand. «Well not that is my business» he added, voice lower.

Something in those words hurt Kiyoomi even if he knew he had no right to be hurt once again. Earlier he tried to push Shoyo away… again. And yet an egoistic part of him wished that Shoyo wanted to be part of his life at least a little.

«You can ask if you want» he tentatively said. «I’m not gonna back off if you want to ask me something personal, really. Maybe sometimes I need time or space but… but I guess it’s your right to know some things.»

«No. No, it’s not» the ginger immediately opposed him with a serious tone. «I don’t care about that sort of things in your past, I would like more to see embarrassing photos of you when you were a baby.»

Kiyoomi frowned, smirking just a little bit. «You little shit-»

Shoyo grinned, smug. «I can always ask Komori-kun» he threatened him, almost singing the words just to mock him before going back to his usual soft but deep voice when he was talking about some important matters. «But I’m glad you want to open up a little, it really means a lot to me. And you can also ask what you want. But I’m serious when I say I want to know more about you outside the gym. What you like, how you looked like when you were a child, what do you like to do when you’re not practicing, if you really eat dry pump as a snack like an old man…»

«Hey!» Kiyoomi interrupted him, giving him a deadly glance. «Yes, it is true and I’m not ashamed! They’re good, you have no taste.»

Shoyo rolled his eyes, playful, before continuing: «What’s the drink that make you wasted faster, your favorite city spot, what music you like to listen to on the bus…»

Kiyoomi passed a hand on his face, almost frustrated, but mostly to cover the redness of his face.

«That’s pretty gay, Sho-kun» he teased, even if probably he was the one who was heating up from embarrassment.

He heard Shoyo shifting and then his footsteps approaching him. When he looked from behind his fingers covering his face, he found Shoyo kneeling in front of him, reminding him of the first time they properly introduce each other at a Jackals practice. Shoyo never lost that habit of his to low himself down at the other’s eye level, because he always had people speaking to him while looking down on him and he find that particularly rude, so he always tried to avoid it even if, like in this case, it wasn’t necessary.

Shoyo’s expression was soft, looking hesitantly at him, then he smiled, and he looked even warmed.

«Give me a smile?» he asked, low and soft.

Kiyoomi slowly pulled his hands away from his face but he felt so hot that he was sure his face was all red exposing his feeling. He tried to give a small smile, hoping that it looked genuinely and did not turn out as creepy.

But Shoyo kept smiling and looking at him with that warm brown eyes, so that probably was a good sign, right?

«You’re beautiful» the ginger said out of the blue, making Kiyoomi blush hard.

«Shut up, you’re the one to talk» spurted back, immediately looking away.

Shoyo laughed, making fun of him. «Ahah, is that blush? Are you complimenting me?» he added, sounding flirty on purpose.

Kiyoomi scoffed. «Don’t push your luck» he muttered, pushing him away with the tip of his index.

Shoyo looked at the finger and almost kiss it on instinct but repress his desire and let the other push him back, falling on the floor and starting to laugh again.

Noticing the brief moments of hesitation on Shoyo’s face, Kiyoomi’s imagination run too fast, tangling him in deep thoughts of Shoyo’s pretty lips around his fingers and su- He immediately shaked that thought and looked away, pouting, letting Shoyo believe he was fake offended from his sentence and not because he was just covering his shameful thoughts or avoiding to puke at the vivid image of someone’s saliva on his hand.

He kicked the thought and focus back on Shoyo’s teasing laugh which was filling the room and had a therapeutic effect on Kiyoomi, relaxing him.

He wished to stay like that forever and pretending that everything was fine.

He took the courage to ask him if he wanted to stay for dinner, but Shoyo declined, saying he promised to videocall his sister and so he said goodbye and left Kiyoomi’s apartment.

That was fine, too. He could not pretend everything in one day and that day… that day he had more than he hoped for.

Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe Kiyoomi was reading too much into it and maybe he was stealing glance at Shoyo more than usual, but he was almost sure that the younger started wearing a mask more, especially when he was around him and that made Kiyoomi’s heart throbbing.

Sometimes he couldn’t help himself from smirking a little after Shoyo said or did something for him showing how much he cared for Kiyoomi, remembering little things he mentioned in the past, trying to respect his boundaries or just giving him attention, even if it was something simple like sharing a private joke only with him that made Kiyoomi feeling special.

Once, after being unable to control his smirk, he saw Bokuto looking at him with a smug and satisfied face, giving him a thumbs up. Kiyoomi snorted in disgust and walked away.

The Jackals were on the bus direct to their next match. Coach scheduled their practice in the morning, so they had the time to take a shower, relax a bit and pack their stuff before departing in the early afternoon. They would have arrived before dinner, to have time for the check-in in hotel, then eat and sleep properly to be in full force for the match on the day after.

On the bus, almost everyone was sleeping or relaxing, so wanted to do Kiyoomi… if only wasn’t for Tomas’ voice that went always so high when he was surprised or amused. Not to talk about Bokuto, who was doing a very poor attempt at keeping his voice low, something impossible for him. The two of them were sitting on Kiyoomi’s left.

The dark-haired boy painfully opened his eyes, making a small sound of discomfort. On his right, Inunaki was still sleeping, his head against the window, and Kiyoomi noticed that he was wearing earphones. He mentally took note for the next time to bring them with him and he damned himself for not thinking it first.

He heard Atsumu’s annoying voice, he could not see him – thankfully – but he knew he was sitting in front of him.

Scoffing annoyed, Kiyoomi shifted a bit in his seat and his eyes locked with Shoyo’s. He was on his knees on the seat near the window to be tall enough to look at the pair on the opposite lane, an arm resting on the backseat. He sneaked a glance at Kiyoomi, smiling with the corner of his mouth, before answering in English to something Tomas said, drifting his attention away from the spiker.

Kiyoomi forced himself to calm his heartbeat and to close his eyes, pretending to fall asleep. Well, he was trying to sleep, but it was hard when his ears were super focused on listening the low and soft chuckle from Shoyo.

When they arrived at the hotel, Kiyoomi let out a big sigh of relief to finally get down of that bus, but it didn’t last for long. In fact, at the reception, coach Samson was giving out the keys for the rooms. Everyone knew that Meian and Barnes usually shared the same room, being among the oldest ones and on the team from more time. Coach assigned one key to Inunaki and Miya. Atsumu didn’t look pleased, it was because Inunaki more than anyone else was the one who could freely scold him as much as he wanted, sometimes being painfully blunt to seem almost cruel. Kiyoomi grinned at his teammate’s disgrace and Atsumu, noticing him, flipped him off.

Then Coach called him and Shoyo and Kiyoomi knew that he challenged karma too many times, so he stopped smiling. No one said a word, probably because no one knew what the real deal was between his and Shoyo’s bond since the time everyone discovered they were soulmate and yet they did not dare to ask them anything. Or to Kiyoomi, at least, but Shoyo didn’t tell him anything.

He glanced at Shoyo, who looked back for a moment, then looked away again, focusing on the coach. Kiyoomi felt a wave of nausea rising from his stomach to his throat and he really wanted to puke. He grabbed the key fast before Shoyo could say anything to coach and he turned to him.

«Let’s go?» he asked, trying to still his face to cover his panic.

Shoyo just nodded, looking a bit surprised, and Kiyoomi didn’t wait for him.

They took the elevator in silence and reached their floor, where were all the rooms booked from the Jackals. Kiyoomi read the numbers on every door and finally opened theirs with the key card.

The room was rather simple, everything was some shade of white or light grey, like the moquette. There were two single bed, two nightstands, a wardrobe and the door of the bathroom.

Kiyoomi looked a bit around to check if everything was clean as promised, then he proceeded to put his luggage near one of the bed, to take out the clothes he needed and to hang them in the wardrobe, ready for the next day.

When Shoyo made sure the other finished his inspection, he followed inside the room, automatically going to the bed left. It was the one near the window, he preferred it, but he wondered if Kiyoomi did not like it, didn’t care or if he was being polite because maybe he thought that Shoyo wanted to take that one. He had to ask him, but later, now something else was bothering him, so he put down the luggage, but did not proceed to make himself comfortable.

Instead, he spoke: «Sorry, coach paired up because he probably doesn’t know that we… you know.» It frustrated him that he could not even bring himself to say that simple word which was the fundament of their society. And he wanted to make things between him and Kiyoomi right? Pathetic. He kept going to avoid falling in an awkward moment. «Well, actually I’m not sure about that, I’m just assuming, but maybe I’m wrong.»

Kiyoomi stopped from stirring one shirt and look at the ginger, almost hesitantly. «Do you think he found out?»

Shoyo hummed, thinking. «I don’t know… He did not say a word about anything soulmates related, but maybe he heard from someone on the team? Or maybe it’s really a coincidence.»

Kiyoomi scoffed, going back to pay attention to his shirt. «Must be fate» he mocked. He realized too late what he just said and stopped himself again from what he was doing to turn to the other boy. «I-»

Shoyo immediately smiled when he saw Kiyoomi’s face, but the older one could feel that he was not sincere.

«It was funny, Omi-kun» the boy said.

Kiyoomi’s expression darkened, already feeling guilty. «You’re not laughing.»

Shoyo’s softened instead. «Sorry, you just caught me off guard» he explained, before turning his attention to his luggage. It lasted few seconds, he didn’t even bother to open it when he spoke again: «Coach will change the rooms if we ask.»

Kiyoomi carefully weight every word. His chest suddenly felt heavier. He would have lied if he said that those words didn’t hurt him a bit, but he knew that he had no right in saying if Shoyo preferred to share the room with him or with someone else.

But when he spoke his voice was small and full of insecurity, even if he tried to act cool as always. «Do you want to?»

Shoyo shrugged. Kiyoomi did not dare to look so he didn’t know if the other’s eyes were on him or not. «I don’t mind, really, how you want.»

Kiyoomi was tired to do how he wanted, he did for more than fifteen years, hurting who was supposed to be his soulmate, the person perfectly made for him who he was supposed to love the most. He probably did, no one made his heartbeat so fast as Shoyo did. But Kiyoomi didn’t know yet if he really was able to love someone and it was hard to accept his own feelings. But he was trying. He also knew that if Shoyo had pressed him, he’d have backed down, so probably the other was trying to give him space to not make him uncomfortable, but Kiyoomi understood that he couldn’t go on to always take from Shoyo, he had to give, too.

«Honesty I don’t wanna risk to be paired with Atsumu or Bokuto. Or worse, the captain» he tried to joke to cover his wish to stay with Shoyo but not saying it directly, hoping that Shoyo would have understood instead of pressuring him. Even if, he had to admit, the idea of sharing a room with the guy was scaring him.

«Meian-san can be scary sometimes but he’s a really funny guy. He reminds me of my captain back in high school» the ginger chuckled and opened his luggage to organize his clothes, too.

Kiyoomi was relieved because that little chuckle and pulling out his clothes meant that he decided to stay.

«Did your captain want to sell your whole team on eBay?» he joked.

«Sometimes» Shoyo answered, smiling. «Maybe you’ll be lucky and get Wan-san» he teased, making Kiyoomi blush hard.

«I don’t know if I could consider myself lucky, then» he muttered back, thinking about how Inunaki sometimes was so strict that most of the team had the impulse to follow his orders and not captain’s or coach’s.

The other scoffed, mocking him. «As if you don’t wish to be bossed around by him in bed.»

Kiyoomi gasped, shocked, blushing even harder, while Shoyo exploded in a genuine laugh.

The older boy was about to make some petty remark when suddenly Shoyo took off his shirt in front of him and Kiyoomi widened his eyes so much that he was afraid they would have fallen on the floor. He immediately turned away giving his back to the other boy and pretending to check his luggage once again. What was he doing? As if he didn’t see Shoyo naked every day! But the thought of them being alone made him feel anxious.

He took his clean clothes and his beauty case as fast as possible and murmuring «Shower» he locked himself in the bathroom.

Shoyo didn’t even register what happened, he didn’t finish to fully undress that the dark-haired boy run in the bathroom and when Shoyo turned to look at him, he was already vanished.

Shoyo blinked a couple of times. At first, he didn’t think there was anything weird, Kiyoomi always wanted to take a bath before anyone else, but the sudden change of his mood made him think and he slowly repeated the whole scene in his mind. Was it too much that joke about Wan-san? Did it step on the line?

Then he noticed that he was still shirtless, and it hit him. Not that it was the first time Kiyoomi saw him almost naked, they shared the locker room almost every day, but even so the spiker was a very private person and always showered and got chance first, focusing only on his locker and his bag. Shoyo was too carefree and used to change in front of everyone that he did not think about the fact that Kiyoomi maybe was too uncomfortable to be with him alone and seeing him undressing so suddenly. He had to mentally take note on that, too. And maybe apologize.

He sighed and pressed his fists on his head, lightly punching himself.

_Stupid stupid stupid stupid._

He closed his eyes, taking another breath, then he finished to change his clothes in something more comfortable. The only thing that he wanted to do at that moment was dying on the bed but he stopped himself from doing so because he forgot to ask Kiyoomi which bed he preferred and he didn’t want to risk on laying on the one he wanted. So, he sat on one of the two chairs near the desk and waited.

Kiyoomi didn’t take much time, but when he went out of the bathroom, showered and dressed in more comfortable clothes, he saw Shoyo glancing briefly at him and then focusing again on his phone. He was sitting on a chair, one leg on another, tongue poking out of his mouth and fingers tapping almost furiously on his screen.

Kiyoomi knew exactly what he was focusing about.

«Still playing Angry Birds?» he asked in a mocking tone.

«Shut up» the ginger answered automatically. «I’m close to destroy that fucking bitch of a green pig.»

Every time Shoyo was focusing, especially on a game, his filter fell. _Cute_. He remembered the guy telling him that one friend of his complained about this habit of him, sometimes making him stop from playing.

Kiyoomi chuckled a bit, while going sitting on the other chair next to Shoyo and looking at his screen with curiosity.

«You know, that game was cool years ago. No one plays it anymore.»

«Shut! Up!» Shoyo repeated, keeping on tapping.

After not many seconds, he lost again, making him growl frustrated and gripping hard on his phone, as that could help. Kiyoomi laughed, mocking the other.

Shoyo put away his phone and pouted. Immediately after, he jolted like he just remembered something important and shifted in his seat to face better Kiyoomi.

«Omi-kun, which bed do you prefer?» he asked.

Kiyoomi raised an eyebrow, surprised from the sudden question. «Didn’t we already kinda decided? I thought it was not important.»

Shoyo looked into his eyes and his curious gaze became serious. «I know you actually care about these things, why are you pretending not to?»

Kiyoomi flushed a bit from the embarrassment of being exposed. He was trying to be polite and go out of his comfortable zone one little step at time, but apparently Shoyo knew him more than he had realized.

«Do you prefer that bed rather than the window?» Shoyo asked again, pointing at the bed closer to the door.

Kiyoomi lowered his head a little. «Yeah…» he admitted.

Shoyo let out a sigh of relief. «Thank goodness. I thought you were being dumb and letting me have the other bed because you thought I preferred to stay near the window.»

«Hey, who are you calling dumb?» Kiyoomi protested, pouting. «And it’s not bad to want to spoil you sometimes…» he added, mumbling. Then, more insecure, he asked: «Do you not like the window?»

«I do!» the younger replied quickly. «Why do you prefer the other one?»

Kiyoomi twitched his mouth from embarrassment. «Don’t laugh at me.»

Shoyo softened his expression and raised his hand towards him, but immediately after he drew it back, instead he just smiled.

Kiyoomi really wanted to know what he wanted to do, but before falling into his invasive thoughts, he decided better to answer.

«It’s for the emergency exit, knowing that I’m closer makes it easier to sleep» he confessed.

Shoyo nodded. «I like the window because I like to feel the rays early in the morning, they’re warm. It reminds me of Brazil» he explained.

It was cute of him to treat him like what he just said was normal and not paranoid at all. Answering in a so simple way was so Shoyo-typical and Kiyoomi really appreciate it.

He smiled a little. «Thought so.»

«When I was in Rio, I used to leave the window a little bit open, both for the air and for the sun in the morning.»

Kiyoomi closed his eyes and relaxed in his seat, trying to picture the scene. It sounded so calm and serene, it made him smile. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed Shoyo looking at him from his side with a weird expression that somehow looked familiar, but he could not remember in what circumstance he saw it or its meaning.

Suddenly it clicked in his mid: it was that night when Shoyo was quite drunk and confessed to him, even before the whole soulmate revelation mess. Shoyo looked at him with these soft eyes and a relaxed smile.

It didn’t last long, Shoyo looked away to check his phone, his ears and cheeks were all flushed. But Kiyoomi’s heart pounded like crazy.

«We still got some time before meeting with the others for dinner. Do you think we should already go?»

But Kiyoomi’s mind was already far away. He bit his lips, unable to take off his eyes from Shoyo’s profile.

«Do you want to kiss me?» he blurted out.

Shoyo’s eyes widened but he did not dare to turn around. He slowly put his phone on the desk and nervously laughed, scratching his neck.

«Ah, yes, I really would like. Sorry» he apologized, lowering his gaze on his own lap.

Kiyoomi knew why he was apologizing, his heart skipped a bit thinking about how Shoyo was being considerate of him since their talk, but part of him at that moment still hated himself to make everything so complicated for the ones he cared and his egoistic ego wished that Shoyo didn’t hold himself back.

He tried to not show his embarrassment in his voice. «So why… didn’t you?»

Shoyo finally tuned to look at him, furrowing hi eyebrows in confusion. «Because you… don’t want to?» he tentatively replied. At that point he was not sure anymore of what to say or believe.

Kiyoomi bit his lips, unsure of what to say or how to act. He didn’t know in the first place. He didn’t know anymore.

«I… I do» he finally said, his voice shaky. He raised his hand, clinging to his own shirt. «I mean… I have this feeling, more like this urge when I look at you, I really wanna kiss you, my whole body is screaming to do it, but then…» he paused, taking a breath and trying to not chicken out from what he wanted to say as his usual self. «If I think about kissing, it’s… it’s disgusting. I don’t mean you’re disgusting, it’s not you, it’s everyone, just the act of kissing… is gross. What if I say yes but then I’ll feel sick in the middle of it? I don’t know if it makes sense.»

Shoyo took a moment to elaborate what the other was saying, then nodded. «It’s ok. We don’t have to.»

«But I _want_ to!» Kiyoomi almost screamed, frustrated, both his hands closing in fists. Then he pressed his face in his hands and gripped a bit of his curls.

Shoyo watched him, studied him from top to toe, then, without saying a word, he stood up. Kiyoomi, confused, followed the guy with his gaze. He took some clothes and towels from his luggage, along with a beauty case, then he disappeared in the bathroom.

Kiyoomi didn’t know what to say or what to think. Why Shoyo stood up so suddenly? Why didn’t he say anything? Did he have enough of him?

He buried his face in his hands once again, listening to the water of the shower falling down.

He didn’t know how much time Shoyo would have taken. He didn’t even know if he would have ever showed up again out of the bathroom. So, he stood up from the chair and he let himself fall on his bed, starting to play a game while he waited.

In the meantime, once he got out of the shower, Shoyo assured to dry his hair properly and to brush his teeth. He clicked his tongue, satisfied when he could feel all the mint flavor in his mouth. He dressed in the clean t-shirt and shorts he picked up from the luggage.

He felt nervous to step out of the bathroom, because he didn’t know if he could make Kiyoomi relax, he didn’t even know if their whole thing could work out for real. He wanted to. No, it was not just a matter of what he wanted or not, it was a deep desire born inside him that was pulling him with an invisible thread and it hurt like it was tearing him apart.

Looking back at his past, he surely suffered from the absence of his soulmate and he thought that he worked enough to not care anymore about the bond, but since he met Kiyoomi in person, it didn’t only feel like all those years of repressing his bond were useless, it got even worse, where he felt the urge to stay around the other boy.

He tried to compose himself and before he could rethink about, he opened the door and stepped in the room with a timid smile.

Kiyoomi was on the bed and the moment the door opened, his eyes were wide open and fixed on Shoyo. He looked like a scared deer, which make Shoyo’s heart ache because he truly did not want him to feel like that. Kiyoomi rapidly put away his phone and place it on the nightstand.

«Is it Monument Valley again?» asked Shoyo, smiling and slowly stepping closer to the bed.

It was a game Kiyoomi was obsessed with and every time Shoyo caught him looking at his phone, he was playing it. Those times were the ones where he saw Kiyoomi express more of his emotions, it was like that game had the magic ability to delete all his walls of apathy and disgust. But Kiyoomi had too much pride, so he just shrugged instead of confirming it.

Well, not that Shoyo needed confirmation of something so obvious.

Kiyoomi landed his eyes on him longer, studying him, while the ginger found himself standing in the room, not knowing what really do as the next step.

He eyed Kiyoomi’s bed, then his eyes met the other’s and, pointing at the bed’s edges, he asked: «Can I?»

Kiyoomi slowly nodded and he sit up properly, rising his knees and hugging his legs while he was making room for the other boy.

Shoyo hesitated, feeling nervous. «Ah ah, tell me if I don’t have to touch something before climbing again on the bed.»

Kiyoomi bit his lips but hide it behind his knees. «I… I think it should be ok» he said trying to keep his usual monotone voice.

Shoyo turned to look at him. «You trust me?» he asked, hesitant.

Kiyoomi thought about letting another person invade the space where he was going to sleep, the thought of not knowing what gems he may be in contact with, the feeling of touching something dirty was tarnish Kiyoomi’s mind and he felt a sense of nausea building up. He drove away that kind of thoughts focusing on Shoyo, how he was constantly craving for the touch of the boy, which was really weird of him, a person who disliked even his own family touching him, how he seemed to not be able to be too far away from him, how Shoyo was doing a lot of little efforts in the past days to make Kiyoomi feeling safer, how he just showered and dressed with clean clothes.

It was going to be okay, he was going to be okay.

The previous thought of germs on his bed came back and Kiyoomi pressed his lips in a thin line.

«No» he confessed, because he did not want to lie to Shoyo, but he didn’t even want Shoyo to be the only one to work hard to make… whatever they had to work. «I… I’ll try to.»

Shoyo’s eyes became sadder, but he smiled anyway. «You don’t» he affirmed, softly.

Kiyoomi fast replied, frenetically, almost coming out from his ball in the corner. «But I want to! To be near you. And be able at least to touch you.»

That made Shoyo to genuinely smile and blush. As Kiyoomi realized his confession, his cheeks turned pinkish too.

Feeling brave from his words, he took Shoyo’s hand with his own, startling the boy. He avoided his eyes at first, feeling the pressure of his gaze, then timidly looked into his and gently tugged the hand, guiding him to lay on his bed. Shoyo never took away his gaze from Kiyoomi, afraid that he would back off at any moment and Shoyo did not want to trigger him. He slowly climbed the bed with one knee at first, then the other. Kiyoomi’s other hand brushed Shoyo’s hip and then placed itself on it, making the boy understand to lay down with him, while he pushed his back on the sheets and turned to Shoyo’s side, who was still looking at him amused.

They spent some instants looking into each other’s eyes without speaking, hearing only their breaths in the room, too afraid that some kind of rumor would break that moment, and they soon would realize that it was a dream and none of that was real.

Kiyoomi closed his eyes for a moment, taking a breath. When he opened again, he brushed Shoyo’s cheek with his fingers, then slowly he lowered the hand to his lips, moving his eyes on them and he shifted a little bit closer. Shoyo stayed still. 

«We really don’t have to do anything, I just figure out you’d be more comfortable knowing I’m clean» he said, voice low as he didn’t want to disturb anyone, even if they were the only two people in the room.

Kiyoomi knew that if he thought too much about it, he would have never had the courage to make a move, so he impulsively closed the gap between them and pressed his lips on Shoyo’s. The ginger still did not move, but he responded to the kiss.

Shoyo tried to kiss Kiyoomi soft and gently, to make him feel loved and not to scare him, but he gradually felt the other becoming more urgent and needy, his kisses were harder and more open. 

They were wet, yes, which made Kiyoomi feel weird, but he couldn’t worry too much about that at the moment because his inner bond, connected to his soulmate by fate, was screaming, making his whole body tickling and dizzy.

Shoyo broke the kiss – which already turned out in more than just one – first, backing away a little and assuring to have Kiyoomi’s attention. The older boy was panting, face flushed. He knew Kiyoomi was beautiful, but he did not know he could be _this_ beautiful.

«You can always back off at any time if you’re not in the mood anymore» he warned.

Kiyoomi did not waste a single moment to reply, he was back on Shoyo’s lips and this time kissing him with ferocity, like he needed to melt with the ginger in order to survive. He threw his arms around Shoyo’s torso, pushing him closer and they kiss, they kiss, they kiss…

He didn’t realize that he was gripping hard on Shoyo’s shirt, pushing their bodies together, even if the other boy was stiff and he didn’t dare to move or touch Kiyoomi more than he knew he was allowed, more than just their connected lips. Knowing that Shoyo would never dare to cross his comfort zone made him extremely happy and for a brief moment he smiled in the kiss, but he also had this small wish to be held by the other, which was unusual for Kiyoomi.

He felt Shoyo shiver a little and probably it was that smile that give him the courage to raise one of his hands to reach his soulmate. He first brushed his hand on Kiyoomi’s hip, but he immediately withdrew it, unsure. Then he tried to caress his back with the tip of his fingers, which made Kiyoomi escape a little whine.

Realizing the sound he made, the guy widened his eyes and shut his mouth in shock, but Shoyo promptly kissed him again relieving his tension and Kiyoomi let himself melt. Shoyo cupped his cheek and caressed him gently with his thumb.

For a moment Kiyoomi forgot all the surrounding, his whole team, the past years, he felt happy.

Then, hitting like cold water, every sensation flowed in him at once: the hand touching him, the sound of wet lips, his tongue pressing again Shoyo’s, their bodies so close that he could feel Shoyo’s heartbeat… It was overwhelming and too much at once. He felt again the panic bottle up in him and the sense of nausea.

He brusquely broke the kiss and turned the head, pressing his hands on Shoyo’s chest to push him away while he tried to catch his breath. Shoyo immediately withdrew his hand and backed away, looking at Kiyoomi with worried eyes. He did not say a thing, nor moved, he knew that Kiyoomi needed a moment to recollect himself.

But Kiyoomi, even if he pushed Shoyo back, he did not take his hands off the guy, instead he clung on his shirt, while he felt his eyes watery from the frustration against himself.

He thought what? That maybe because Shoyo was his soulmate, it was going to be different? That maybe his problem was just because he was not with the right person? What a fool, of course that’s not how phobias work.

He curled himself against Shoyo, pressing his forehead again the ginger’s chest and inhaling the smell of clean and soap of his shirt, which made him relax a bit. Until he started to sob.

«You deserve someone better» he finally managed to let out.

Shoyo still had not moved. «And yet» he rebutted.

«I treated you like crap. I made you suffer» Kiyoomi added.

«Yes, you did» Shoyo affirmed.

«You have every right to despite me. You shouldn’t forgive me.»

Even if he said that, Kiyoomi curled even more into a ball, scared of losing him for real, twice, while tears started to stream long his face.

«I know and I’m not» he confessed. «I don’t forgive you. I felt like shit for years. It’s been… really bad, you know?»

Shoyo’s voice had a hint of sadness, even if he was trying to not shake Kiyoomi even more.

«I… I know» the older answered.

«No, you don’t» Shoyo brutally cut it, now his tone harder and a little bit irritated.

Kiyoomi tried not to cry louder, he did not want to sound like a victim. He disliked pity, but he could not help the broken sob that escaped him.

Hinata sighed. «Or maybe you do, I guess.»

He briefly reached and touch a curl from Kiyoomi’s hair, then returned his hand to lay still on his side. Kiyoomi still was crying on his chest but Shoyo waited him to calm a bit before to continue, because he knew that what was going to say was something that Kiyoomi would have a hard time to take, but it was also something that he needed to hear soon or later.

«I wished so many times you weren’t my soulmate. Even before meeting you. I wished… for so many people to be my soulmate instead. But every time they had already someone, of course, or it just didn’t work. But every time I really liked someone, I thought “Maybe… Maybe _they_ are my soulmate, then it’s ok, I can change their mind, I can show them they’re wrong and we can be together and leave everything in the past, it’s not too late, we can be happy”. But it was none of them.»

He made a pause, as if the memory still hurt, but when he spoke again, his voice was softer.

«I learned a lot of things in these years, one of them is that rarely you’re too late for something. I’m sorry that you have to fight everyday with your brain. And I’m sorry I’m not the best example for your phobia and that it probably had been hard having me as your bond. I’ll try to respect your needs the best I can, whatever comes out of this, so please have patience with me, even if you don’t have much with anything, especially for waiting to eat your plums.»

Kiyoomi snorted at the last sentence and Shoyo chuckled, then he tentatively started to caress his shoulder.

«Don’t you get it? I’m not trying because you’re my soulmate. If I’m being honest, I said go fuck yourself to you a long time ago when I didn’t know you, I’m not even sorry to say it to you now. But it started years ago when I first saw you at the spring tournament.» Shoyo bit his lips, shy. «This is so embarrassing, but I really thought: oh gosh, he’s hot. And weird. But hot.»

Kiyoomi snorted again to cover his embarrassment. He still did not dare to look up from Shoyo’s shirt where he buried his face, but at least now he sounded calmer.

«And then I saw you playing, and you were amazing, and your style was beautiful, and I really wished to reach you, to learn from you, be at your level. I was so jealous and yet I wanted to stand by your side, I wanted someone like you to acknowledge me. When I joined the team, I knew that finally that time came. I’m worth now, I can stand in the court and feeling in the right place. I don’t have to be afraid anymore of my skills, nor of the opposite team, nor of my teammates being far away from my level. There were so many teammates I could learn from, not just you, so why you were the one I wanted to become closer to? It happens, I said, I had a lot of crushes, so it was nothing new. But it only grew bigger, it started to feel like I was craving to be with you. So, when… we discovered it… Well I though “oh, that makes sense”. But I don’t want to be with you just because you’re “supposed” to be my soulmate. Fuck fate or whatever. I get to decide what I want. It took me a lot of time to accept that you didn’t want me and left me. When I was in high school, I had… a lot on my mind, and I have to confess that seeing a therapist helped me also to realize that I didn’t need you. I could create my own path if I wanted to. Still, I’ll probably be bitter and bitch about how you treated me for a long time, honestly forever. But… But I really would like to try to make this work, if only you’d let me.»

Kiyoomi’s heart stopped, then pumped so fast that he was afraid he was going to have a heart attack, but it was okay, because he never felt happier in his life and he couldn’t help but smile so wide that he was feeling his cheeks starting to hurt and he buried his face even more and gripped even harder on the shirt, sniffing once again the smell of soap. He extended one of his arms to surround Shoyo and rest the hand on his back in a half hug. He slowly raised his head, too aware of his puffy red eyes, his flushed cheeks, his wet face.

«I probably look horrible» he said.

But Shoyo looked at him full of sweetness. «This is so unfair, you’re still beautiful.»

Kiyoomi scoffed. «You’re the one to talk.»

The other boy raised an eyebrow and smirked. «Uh, did you just admit that you find me hot?»

Kiyoomi glared at him. «Don’t cross the line.»

Shoyo smiled and then his glance fell on the dark-haired’s lips. It was just for a brief moment, but Kiyoomi clearly noticed it. He locked his eyes into Shoyo’s, and he unconsciously wet his lips. How do you even let the person you like know that you want to kiss them?

There was a reset in Kiyoomi’s brain. His past hook ups were nothing, now all of experiences were starting and ending with Shoyo. He felt like he had never been with anyone and Shoyo was the first who had touched him. A small part of his brain didn’t like the feeling and it was telling him that the boy was bad news but another part of Kiyoomi – the one who apparently was weak against the other’s warm brown eyes and so whipped anytime they locked on him – shut it up.

He disliked how his bond was making him feel like he would have died if he did not touch Shoyo or be extremely close to him to respect personal spaces.

It was Shoyo who broke the silence.

«Uhm, sorry but I have to confess that I really want to kiss you but I’m a little afraid to scare you and I don’t know how to start without triggering you, so…»

Kiyoomi simply smiled in response. He probably smiled more in his little moments with Shoyo rather than in his all life, and that gave him courage. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips against Shoyo’s, closing his eyes. The other kissed back and closed his eyes as well, smiling a little into the kiss. It was slow, as they wanted to save every second and it felt like a promise to not rush things, because they could build all the time they wanted in their future.

Feeling bold, Kiyoomi took advantage and briefly broke the kiss to place another one on the ginger’s neck instead. He looked surprised, but he did not lose his cool.

«You taste like mint» mumbled Kiyoomi, going back to pay attention to his soulmate’s lips.

His _soulmate_. It felt weird thinking it now, after all those years he spent hating that word, he could not imagine how it would be saying it out loud.

«Well, I’m glad» answered Shoyo, before kissing him again.

The sensation started to grow from his chest, it was an overwhelming and new feeling invading him, slowly expanding in every inch under his skin, reaching every part of his body till the tips of his fingers, his feet, even his hair. That warm surrounding him had one word in his mind: home. Or the idea he had of a real home, the happy and nostalgic ones he read in books. Nor the one with his busy parents and his superb older siblings. Home was more like the gym late at evening, when everyone already left and he could practice spikes alone, feeling at peace.

Shoyo was not entirely that memory but a precise moment of it: the feeling when you finally succeed in a move you had practiced hard for weeks.

Feeling comfortable, he wondered if he should try again to deep the kiss with his tongue, but just the thought was enough to freak him out. Again. He gasped, breaking away from the kiss and closing his eyes to calm himself down and make his nausea go away.

Until he started sobbing, tears falling.

Shoyo waited patiently and, even if Kiyoomi was glad of it, it made him feel even guiltier.

«I’m sorry» he managed to say before breaking into another sob. «I’m horrible.»

Shoyo shushed him, reaching his face with a hand and wiping off few tears. «Omi. _Kiyoomi_. You don’t have to force yourself.» He caressed his cheek, then heavily sighed. «I’m sorry too. I don’t feel right for you.»

Kiyoomi squinted his eyes even if they were already closed, as if that could erase Shoyo’s last words.

_You are. You’re perfect. You’re everything beautiful in this world. I’m broken._

But Kiyoomi was able to let out only a weak «No» that probably Shoyo did not hear between his sobs.

He tried to calm down a bit, to control his voice to make himself understandable. «C-Can I hug you?» he asked, his voice still too small for his own liking.

Shoyo smiled softly, caressing his cheek once again. «Yes.»

Kiyoomi put again his free arm around Shoyo, hand on his back, while the other hand was still gripping on the ginger’s shirt and pulled it to shift closer, so the dark-haired boy could sink his face against the boy’s chest, smelling the scent of soap once again.

Shoyo chuckled, hugging him back. «Could you… stop sniffing? It’s a little bit weird.»

Kiyoomi grunted. His crying was fading. «Hush. You’ll start sweating again and smelling bad soon, let me enjoy this while it lasts.»

Shoyo scoffed, jokingly, and he started to repeat his soulmate’s nickname in the same tone a mother usually uses when she wants to prove her child wrong.

«Ah, _Omi, Omi, Omi…_ »

The taller boy grunted again. «Stop. It reminds me of Atsumu. I don’t wanna think about that fuckface while we…»

When Kiyoomi brutally broke off, Shoyo curiously raised an eyebrow and poked at his arm to get attention.

«While we…?» he asked, a mischievous grin on his face. «While we what?»

Kiyoomi raised his face to look at the ginger, wearing a deadpan expression. «Stop teasing.»

Shoyo shrugged, still grinning. «We’re just hugging. Are you this shy in bed?»

Kiyoomi pinched his arm.

Shoyo continued to play innocent and squeezed him softly. «What did I say? We’re in a bed! Together. Hugging.»

Kiyoomi snorted, his cheeks turning lightly pink. «That surely was what you meant» he mumbled.

«Maybe I want that every time you look at Atsumu, you’ll remember me calling you like that while slowly kissing you and making you make all those pretty little noises for me that I heard earlier.»

Kiyoomi froze in place, yet he felt on fire, his face hot and red, while his brain was still trying to process if what he heard was real and not just a weird fantasy of his.

Shoyo, noticing the other was not responding, became serious and shaked him to bring him back to reality. «Oi, I was joking.»

Kiyoomi became even more embarrassed and pinched him again. «You surely were not!»

Shoyo laughed hard, his voice filled the room. «Omi Omi, you really are shy!»

«Yeah, do your parents know that under their cheerful son’s skin hides a cheap playboy?» muttered the taller boy, pretending to be offender.

«I think they do» the ginger confessed.

Kiyoomi pinched again his arm, this time lightly. «Shame on you.»

Shoyo rubbed his thumb on the other’s back and hummed. They simply stayed like that for a while. Kiyoomi found out to like it, it was cozy.

«Sorry to interrupt…» suddenly Shoyo broke the silence.

Kiyoomi growled. «I d’nno if I can forgive you.»

«I’d really like to keep cuddling with you, but I think it’s time to dinner and, even if apparently I like you a lot, I have to confess that I’m hungry.»

Kiyoomi snuggled closer – something that Shoyo never believed he could see – as a poor attempt to cover his shyness.

After few seconds of contemplating Shoyo’s request, he said: «Be sure to wash your hands after dinner, and I’m not gonna let you sleep in _my_ room if you don’t change in a clean pajama first.»

« _Your_ room, huh?» The younger one sighed. «I’m already regretting it» he joked, playing dramatic.

Slowly, Kiyoomi let Shoyo free, and lazily stood up.

«If you really liked me a lot as you said, you wouldn’t betray me with food» he complained.

«Yeah, you’re not top priority yet» answered the other, following him to get ready to go to the hall.

Shoyo arrived at home less than a week ago but as soon as he put his foot in Japan again, his phone started ringing and his friends were constantly calling him to arrange a meeting now that he was back. He just ended a call with Yamaguchi, who propose himself as his temporary manager to help him choose the days for each friend he had to meet, not to talk about the Karasuno reunion they were planning since months. He also needed to stay with his family for some weeks and he did not know how to carry the too many gifts he bought for Natsu.

Kiyoomi heard him now talking Portuguese in the living room, so he rolled his eyes.

«Seriously? You saw each other few days ago. You see each other every day. You literally live together! What do you have to talk about? Just say that you love your ex more than me and just leave me alone.» Shoyo dismissed him with a hand and ignored him, so Kiyoomi raised his voice to be heard over the phone: «Hello, Pedro, I’m gonna fly to your house and kill you one of these days!»

Shoyo kept on talking fast on the phone. His accent in the other language and his tan made him look like a foreign on a vacation. It looked good on him but now Kiyoomi was annoyed that Shoyo was not paying attention to him, so he was not going to tell him that.

Instead he opened the fridge, checking what there was inside. When he closed it, he tapped something on his phone, adding items on a grocery list he made.

«I’m going to the store» he announced, «do you need something?»

Shoyo froze, caught off guard, his mouth opening and closing several times. He tried to speak but he forgot to switch Japanese from Portuguese and accidentally slapped himself hard in the face when he realized, letting out a loud frustrated grunt due to the pain.

Kiyoomi looked at the scene unimpressed, then he rolled his eyes again, he went to take his jacked and bag and he wore his mask.

«Well, just text me if you think of something that you want. But not too late! I’m not gonna go back if I buy everything before receiving your text» he said, a foot already out of the door.

«Oki doki!» Shoyo shouted as the door closed.

Kiyoomi went down the stairs and out of the building, walking towards the store nearby their home.

 _Home_. Sometimes he still could not believe that it was really a thing, it was years he and Shoyo were living together, years they _were_ together. Well, more or less. After Olympic Games, Shoyo found a new team in Brazil and went back in Rio, but Kiyoomi knew already that Brazil left something in Shoyo’s heart that no other one could give him back. It was just special and Shoyo often told him how Rio gave him a feeling of confidence and coziness.

Now he was back, but just for a couple of months or little more. Kiyoomi wanted to enjoy every moment he had with Shoyo, even if apparently it was impossible since everyone was constantly calling him and asking for a meeting.

He had not told him yet, but he was considering going to Rio with him, buy an apartment together, killing Pedro, sharing some domestical moments that their team practice was not going to take away. More time passed and more Kiyoomi was suffering Shoyo’s absence from home, even if they called each other every day. He never thought about a day in which he would have missed someone else’s touch, but here it was.

Maybe he could find a team, an opponent of Shoyo’s. They never played against each other, never had the occasion if not in Jackals’ practice teams, but it was not the same thing. It could have been fun, he bet Shoyo could bring the best out of him if they were rivals, making every game more exciting. He could picture himself: doing one of his twisted serves, Shoyo being able to receive it after years of practice and then doing some left-hand serves just for him, to challenge him and make him a little frustrated remembering some old matches with Ushijima. And before the match they would have bet something stupid and domestic that would have made his heart all warm, like the loser would have washed the dishes for a week.

Was this feeling happiness? Did Kiyoomi finally found it?

He was walking on the street, calmly because he knew Shoyo usually took some time before writing to him and he always had things to add to the grocery list. He said he was not going to wait, but he did not like the times Shoyo was pouting and whining when he didn’t buy him what he asked.

He noticed an old man giving him a weird look, but when Kiyoomi looked in his direction, the old man looked away and walked faster past him. Weird. The dark-haired boy dismissed the thought and keep walking. Until a child, tugging their mother’s hand, pointed a finger directly at him.

«Mom, look! What does their soulmate write?»

The mother immediately shushed them, pulling their hand and not stop walking. «Stop it. It’s not nice to read other’s soulmarks.»

Kiyoomi froze, he had a bad feeling about this. He immediately turned to find a car’s glass and mirror himself to see what was happening.

He was horrified.

His arms, his neck, his forehead… they were full of names of items Shoyo wanted him to buy, like cereals, meat, eggs, new vitamins because he almost finished them, rice, some vegetables… He took off his mask for a moment and also his face was totally covered by writings, and he really didn’t want to find out if Shoyo wrote on his chest and legs, too.

A wave of rage was rising inside him. He took his phone and tried to slowly breathe to calm down, reminding himself that he was on a public street.

The phone was ringing.

«Omi?» said Shoyo, picking up.

Kiyoomi exploded immediately.

«Just because I am your soulmate doesn’t mean you can use your body to write the grocery list! You were on the phone all morning and now you can’t send me a text? Did I need to wait people looking me weirdly at the street to realize it? Moreover, we have plenty of rice! Why the hell do you need it? Did you even check before writing it? And which meat? I already added the eggs, you didn’t even ask me! Wipe off those things immediately, I’m not going in the store like that! What on Earth made you think it was a good idea-»

He kept going on for minutes, Shoyo didn’t dare to speak for the whole time, he just obediently washed the writings from his skin while people kept glancing at Kiyoomi screaming in the street, trying to stay away from him and keeping their heads down because he seemed too scary.

Kiyoomi still bought the stuff Shoyo asked and the ginger kissed him softly on the cheeks to apologize, but the dark-haired made it difficult, pouting the whole time and not willing to speak to him. But his face was flushed. He liked how Shoyo was giving him attention, tracing little kisses on his skin, but he would have never confessed it, so he played offended a little more, enjoying it.

In the end, he really found happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan to write it for OmiHina Week but it took me so long to write it that in the end... I was late for OmiHina Week too.  
> Reminder that I made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1IthjUW3OOk8t3xEIAHUN2?si=0iL66uAvQwmChnqcXesH_A) for this fic, also an [art](https://www.facebook.com/pandamitotrash/photos/a.1257613934395965/1737093946447959/) that is actually a redrawing of an old one but it inspired me to write the fic.  
> I wrote this thing while studying for my thesis, I don't even know what I wrote so excuse me if you find some horrible things, blame them on my university.  
> Follow me on [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/pandamitotrash/), [tumblr](http://pandamito.tumblr.com/), [twitter](https://twitter.com/pandamito), [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/pandamito.art/), [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/pandamito), [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/wd4ycfsjxx7m60bpwiuf6t2cx?si=ovCzpIDjRpKMC2h4jmoJOA) aaaaand really I don't know where else anymore!
> 
> I want to say that for me what Sakusa did to little Shoyo was pretty cruel and I don't wanna think how Shoyo felt, but you also have to understand that he did it when he was still a child, not even a teenager yet, he didn't fully understand what he was doing and at some point he didn't know how to turn back and fix things, so he just tried to run away because he thought it was his best choice. What I like is that Hinata doesn't fully forgive him, but they agree to start over now that they know each other and Hinata finally knows why Sakusa left him. 
> 
> Well I hope you enjoy it! This is like my second fic ever written in English so I hope it's not that bad. If you want you can check my other one-shot, it'a a small KuroAka with pharmacist!Kuroo that I wrote during quarantine.  
> Also: Atsumu's soulmates? I didn't say the name because I wanted you all to imagine whoever you want, I wrote it thinking about not just one but maybe two or three possible characters so feel free to imagine whoever you want and whatever the reason their relationship is complicated! Another thing is that I probably didn't specify all Hinata's exes, except for Pedro. Well I like imaging flirty Hinata after high school, and having some relationships even in high school especially due to the fact that he didn't have a soulmate like others, but it was probably difficult for him to find someone who wanted a relationship outside their soulmate. I thought about many possible relationships for him, too, but even here you can imagine whatever you like, I didn't want to concentrate or define this part too much. 
> 
> Again, I hope this didn't turn out too bad aaaaand you can write to me on any social! Always open to accept ask or chat, I'd be glad if you keep following my works. Thanksss!
> 
> LAST THING: I'm gonna push my "Sakusa has a huge crush on Inunaki because he is the one who cares about cleaning and be healthy and he's the one who always roasts Atsumu or Tomas or anyone who does something stupid in the team" agenda. Join my crackship side and explore other Jackals' dynamics with me because I love minor characters.


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